Ah, Florida Man: our unofficial state mascot. Do your shenanigans know no bounds?
2019 was a busy year for you. Just 2 days into the year you were already attacking a McDonald's employee over a plastic straw.
From there your antics only escalated, crashing your lawn mower into a police car and getting arrested for breaking into a school on your wedding day.
You, Florida Man, have been known to steal things from time to time. You stole a car only to realize it was a stick shift you couldn't drive. But sometimes you want to enjoy yourself first, like when you grilled a burger before robbing a Wendy's.
But the title "Florida Man" isn't limited to men, no, Florida women abound as well. Think about the time you, Florida Woman, pulled an alligator out of your yoga pants during a traffic stop, or the time you assaulted someone over a slice of pizza.
At times, you're just bizarre, like when you poured ketchup on your girlfriend, or when you called 911 several times to report that your roommate had stolen your weed.
You often take things too far, like when you broke into a home and cut a man's genitals off with scissors to get revenge, or when you used a front end loader to dump buckets of dirt on your girlfriend's car.
But at times you make us proud and inspire us. You paid off lunch debts for students in need. You walked across the state picking up trash. You touched our hearts by completing a 1,100 mile hike with your blind dog.
Florida Man is acclaimed on a national level too. A viral internet challenge had the whole country finding its Florida Man stories earlier this year. A network even developed a show centered around the Florida Man.
In fact, even the leader of the free world is a Florida Man now.
At the end of the day, Florida Man isn't just one man, he's all of us. He keeps things as pets that he shouldn't, but he also paddle boarded 300 miles through the everglades to raise awareness about veteran suicides.
Make fun of you as we may, we love you Florida Man. See you in 2020.
