You think you are in love, or maybe it’s just lust? You are constantly mulling over the memories that were great, a nd trying to bury the less satisfying times. You force yourself to believe that you’ll be okay without them, and try to remember how you survived before they came along.
Still there’s an inkling that something isn’t right. The two of you are growing apart, not communicating the way you used to, and heading in opposite directions. When it comes to matters of the heart, and recently yours is sinking more often than not, do you protect it by throwing in the towel or press on like nothing is wrong?
Author, leadership speaker and trainer, Tom Connor believes when a relationship starts, one or both people involved, hope that this person will be the one they can spend the rest of their lives with. Without even realizing it many times people will mold themselves to become the perfect mate, even if that means turning their backs on some of the principals that make up their core.
“Sooner or later each of us must decide to let go of something -- an expectation, a hope, a desire,” Connor says. “We must learn that settling for something is not as bad as it sounds and we must come to the realization that surrender does not imply giving up or giving in – but it means to accept.”
But what happens when you feel like you are the only one making sacrifices in the relationship? Constantly excusing your partner’s less than perfect behavior? Blaming yourself for their inconsistencies and starting to believe that it’s your fault the two of you aren’t seeing eye-to-eye?
Relationship expert Lea Haben says first and foremost there has to be respect. If at any time you feel you are being lied to, belittled or shut out you need to look in the mirror.
“If you end a conversation feeling hurt or if you ask your partner to stop doing things that make you uncomfortable and you can’t reach a compromise, it’s time to go.”
However, before making any rash decisions, Haben suggests making sure you aren’t the one demanding too much from your partner and creating unattainable expectations.
“If you are generally happy in your relationship, don’t give up just because some of your goals don’t match up perfectly,” she says. “They [goals] can change as people get older, mature and experience more in life. Hopefully there is a foundation the two of you can work from and there are some similarities that will keep you bonded.”
There’s no doubt that couples who have completely different aspirations will have a very difficult, possibly crippling time relating to one another after a certain point in the relationship, but keep in mind; you are the only one who is going to take care of you, whole heartedly.
If you have clearly communicated with your partner who/where you want to be, how you demand to be treated and the path you plan to take to get you there, and they still don’t jump on board, stop living with the pain of why don’t they want to be with me? And move forward. It’s up to you to decide if you want to make the journey alone, which you can, or with someone who makes you question your self-worth.
Copyright 2010 Scripps Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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